I want to break free.

It's been about 6 weeks since my last post, and I feel like it's time to write again.  I find myself going through these phases where I am always wanting to write or be creative in one way or another.  And at other times, I just need to be alone.  The last 6 weeks was my alone time.  I am now ready to break out of my cocoon and spread my wings a fly with the help of one of life's great gusts of wind.


Today I spent the afternoon with a good friend of mine.  To tell you the truth, it's just over the last 6 weeks that we became as close as we are now, and I truly think that this is just the beginning of our friendship.  We have been friends for nearly 2 years now, but it's just recently that we have started to see our friendship blossom.  


We spent the afternoon shopping, eating (something we both enjoy!) and indulged in a little "spa treatment".  ;)  It was a very enjoyable afternoon, and we ended the day with a little dance party in the front seat of her car!  


I think one of the main reason that our friendship has blossomed into what it is, is that we are very similar in the way that we want to live life and our life stories are so similar in so many ways.  We understand each others pain and sadness, and we share a common sense of humour and know what will make the other one laugh.  We tell each other how it is, and sometimes there is not even any cushion that comes with that truth.  I believe this is what a true friend is suppose to be.  I am very excited to see where we both are in a years time, both in our friendship and with life.  :)




Friendship is timeless, and even if you drift apart sometimes, a true friend will always find their way back into your life.

La De Da De Da.

I love this song!  I truly wish I could have seen Sonny and Cher in their prime.  This tune always makes me strut just a little differently, walking down the street - it also paints a story of how the times they are a changing (another great classic!).

The beat goes on, the beat goes on

Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain

La de da de de, la de da de da

Charleston was once the rage, uh huh

History has turned the page, uh huh

The mini skirts the current thing, uh huh

Teenybopper is our newborn king, uh huh

The beat goes on, the beat goes on

Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain

La de da de de, la de da de da

The grocery store's the super mart, uh huh

Little girls still break their hearts, uh huh

And men still keep on marching off to war

Electrically they keep a baseball score

The beat goes on, the beat goes on

Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain

La de da de de, la de da de da

Grandmas sit in chairs and reminisce

Boys keep chasing girls to get a kiss

The cars keep going faster all the time

Bums still cry "hey buddy, have you got a dime"

The beat goes on, the beat goes on

Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain

La de da de de, la de da de da

Does your drum keep pounding a rhythm to the brain?

I Miss You So.

This evening I had a nice long chat with one of my favourite people in the world.  My best friend lives in Copenhagen, Denmark.  He moved there in June and is absolutely loving the Danish life.  


When he left, just 2.5 months ago, I was devastated.  Even though we have become use to not living in the same city (or country - and we haven't in nearly 6 years) it was still so hard to say goodbye to him.  


He is my rock.  I tell him everything going on in my life, and vice versa.  I honestly could not live my life without having him in it.  He has helped me out in many situations, and he is the first person I go to when I need advice - even if it's about men!  I value his opinion, even if I don't 100% agree with it.  He truly is the most loving, caring and decent man anyone could ask for, and his girlfriend is very lucky to have him for herself.  In June 2011 I am embarking on my very first trip overseas, solo, and can not wait to see him on his side of the world.  


He is my protector, adviser and right hand man.  My pal, confidant, sidekick and comrade-in-arms.  He is definitely bold, courageous, fearless and would be at my side in a moments notice - under any circumstance.  He shares his life experiences with me, tells me the truth about love, even if it hurts and makes me mad.  He keeps my secrets, corrects me (sometimes too much!), encourages me and loves me even when I am wrong.  He would trust me with his life, take me at my word and tell me to get tough and stop whining.  In more than one occasion he has felt my pain and sorrow, suffered with me, cried with me and gently dried my tears from my face.  His shoulder is stained with my tears.




If you ever meet him, you will understand, and get to see this all for yourself.  =)

Matt - looking intense - you get use to it!

Jenn - happy as a clam :)

"Together forever, never apart.  Maybe in distance, but never in heart.”

With a Little Help.

I will admit that I am addicted to good music.  Not just music, but good lyrics.  Lyrics that have meaning and one's that I can truly relate to my life, situation or mood.  My absolute favourite singer/songwriter (Canadian of course!) has helped me get through numerous moments in my life where I just can't find the words to express how I'm feeling.  This is one of those times. 

Loving lying enemy

I have seen your face before

Never thought again I'd see

Didn't want to anymore

"I'm ready now to face this day.."

I remember your loving eyes

And the moonlit kiss

The evening lullabies I will truly miss

Through the years we had it all

Midnight whispers, the midday calls

This house of cards, it had to fall

And you ask for forgiveness

You're asking too much

I have sheltered my heart in a place you can't touch

Don't believe when you tell me your love is real

'Cause you don't know much about heaven boy

It you have to hurt to feel

Every time I see you 

I can't help but look away

All along I had believed everything you'd say

When I look now I know I've seen your face before

Don't want your deceiving smile

Standing at my door

And I don't care what people say

I'm ready now to face this day

'Cause I have lost you along the way

                    

Forgiveness is available to everyone, and should be considered, even if others think it is not warranted.  This I truly believe.

Sunbeams.

Today, for most of the day, I actually felt that everything would be okay in the end.  This would be the first time in a long time that I've had this feeling.  The light at the end of that long, long tunnel is actually there.  It's dim, and sometimes fades away, but can be seen from a distance if I really look for it.  I hope in the days, weeks and months to come that this light will start to shine brighter and light up the darkness before me.  

Just had to say.

Well Put.

Last night and today, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what is happening in my life.  I have realized that things are completely different then they were even 2 months ago.  I am so excited and scared about the months and year to come, but am so ready for it to happen.  As I was unpacking some final boxes today, making my apartment just right - for me, I was listening to one of my favourite country artists, and soon found myself smiling, knowing that I had made the right decision, but nonetheless difficult, and feeling a little more confident in my own skin.

Forgive, sounds good

Forget, I'm not sure I could

They say time heals everything

But I'm still waiting

I'm through with doubt

There's nothing left for me to figure out

I've paid the price

And I'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should

I know you said

Can't you just get over it?

It turned my whole world around

And I kinda like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby

With no regrets and I don't mind sayin'

It's a sad, sad story when a mother will teach her

Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger

And how in the world can the words that I said

Send somebody so over the edge

That they'd write me a letter sayin' that I better

Shut up and sing or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice

I'm not ready to back down

I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time 

To go round and round and round

It's too late to make it right

I probably wouldn't if I could

Cause I'm mad as hell, can't bring myself

To do what it is you think I should

I have to say, these "Chicks" said it perfectly.

Reset.

September 1st has arrived, as expected, and that means I have to hit the 'reset' button on life.  I promised myself that I would, but seem to be a little hesitant in doing so.  I guess the first big step was saying goodbye, and moving into a new place.  Check.  Now that that is done, I have the joy of unpacking everything that I just packed up, not just 7 days ago.  Don't get me wrong, this is a good thing, it's just that now reality is finally sinking in.  


Up until this point, it all felt like just a dream - a vacation, that was filled with minor Reno's, packing, moving and now unpacking.  I've now realized that it was not a dream; not a vacation.  Sitting here, in my somewhat empty living room I'm constantly reminded of the years spent in what I can now classify as a void.  This void lasted a very long time, and I'm actually quite surprised that I have pulled myself out, and am still breathing.  It's hard, but still breathing; still standing.


I have decided to start living life a little different now.  Not too sure what this will entail, but it will be completely different than the last few years of my life.  I hope to learn lots, travel and see the world and spend time with friends and family in the way that friends and family should spend time together.  




Let us put on another pot of tea.

A Favourite.

As I pack up my apartment today, and close this chapter of my life, I am reminded of the good times had here (yes there were good times!).  This is one of my all time favourites and I'm sure you all know the lyrics.  It definitely is helping with passing the time and  getting me through this wistful time.

Now sing along...


Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world

She took the midnight train goin' anywhere

Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit

He took the midnight train goin' anywhere

A singer in a smokey room

A smell of wine and cheap perfume

For a smile they can share the night

It goes on and on and on and on

Stranger waiting, up and down the boulevard

Their shadows searching in the night

Streetlights people, living just to find emotion

Hiding, somewhere in the night.

Working hard to get my fill,

Everybody wants a thrill 

Payin' anything to roll the dice,

Just one more time

Some will win, some will lose

Some were born to sing the blues

Oh, the move never ends

It goes on and on and on and on

Don't stop believin'

Hold on to the feelin'

Streetlights people

And repeat.

The Plan.

I have always been inspired by people that have traveled the world and seen all that they can see.  As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be one of these individuals.  I want to experience something different, see the world through someone else's eyes and just be consumed by everything that is wonderful.

Tonight at work, I said goodbye to a friend who is setting out on yet another journey around the world.  He has had the opportunity to see and touch corners of the earth that I have only dreamed of.  On this trip, he will be backpacking through South East Asia, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and California.  His trip will commence in September and he will not return to Canada until January 2011.  Even though he has travelled before, and is returning to some of his favourite places, he is excited and full of life as if it were his very first trip.  I feel inspired after chatting with him about his detailed itinerary, as I am planning my very first Solo-European adventure in 2011.  I have always talked about taking off and seeing different parts of the world, but have never actually had the chance.  Maybe it was bad timing or it just wasn't meant to be at that particular moment in time.  I find myself even more inspired and determined to accomplish this dream this time around, because of the several chapters in my life that have closed in the recent months.  With this, I know, that only more doors will open with new and exciting adventures to experience.

With my passion to travel and also a love for photography, I hope to document and share, the days leading up to my departure, and share with you what I hope to accomplish from my travels and also what will inspire me to continue to explore this beautiful world.  Starting in September I am starting a new journal, one that will be solely dedicated to my plans, contain maps, photos and lists of my future endeavours while abroad.  Like my other journals, I'm positive this one will end up being tied together, in the end, with a string or ribbon to help contain the loose sheets of unimportant tips and tidbits of information from flying away.  And while I am travelling I will be sure to be caring this journal in my backpack so that I may cross off sights that I  planned to see, the best cafes to eat lunch, and types of beer and wines to try, along with purchasing a fresh new journal to document my day to day activities while falling in love with another part of the world, and also with a new me.

Let the planning begin.

The Beginning.

I am new to this blogging thing.  I'm actually not even sure what I am to "blog" about or what I want to share with you, to be completely honest.

I have always been the type of person to carry a notebook or journal around with me; constantly adding to the pages with tidbits of information, doodles or of epic fantasies that come to mind.  My journals were, and still are, my way of escaping reality for even just a moment.  

Most people, even my closest friends, have never seen the contents inside these covers.  Honestly, a lot of it is unimportant, little life details:  appointments, bills to pay, what will be in my basket on my next trip to the farmers market kind of stuff.  Some of my journals, on the very back pages, I have created lists of different things - books I've read (with the start and finish dates), books I want to read, movies to watch, potential travel destinations and monthly budgets.  There are pages and pages of "randomness".  Some of these pages, when I look back in past journals, even make me think "what the heck is this about?", proof that a night out on the town with good friends, make the best memories, even when you can't remember them clearly.  Or perhaps at all!  

Almost every one of my journals contains many single sheets stuffed between the pages - some which needed to be held together with a elastic band or ribbon.  Otherwise my "unimportant-important" tidbits would spread wings and fly away.  These loose sheets are just as important, if not more, than the ones still bound together.  Everything from project deadlines at work, 'to do' lists, bills to be paid and even letters to friends far away.  My journals are a way to record my life, according to me.  

Everyone keeps little important keepsakes from special times in their lives.  I happen to also keep, closed up in my journals, all of the 'unimportant' times in my life.  We will only be in this life once, and all these unimportant parts are what make up the majority of our lives.  So why do people only keep a minority of their memories?

I guess I have started this blog as a way to make parts of my journal, and therefore life, more accessible, for the ever curious public that I never knew I had.  Here you will find notes on pretty much everything and anything, from the latest inspiration for a new article or photo series, to some of my favourite lists.

I hope you all enjoy my canvas.